One thing is for sure, rumour and speculation by the truck load has surrounded the fabled Apple iSlate, if that’s even the tablet PC’s name. We will now, taking from all this “information”, try to piece together what this gorgeous looking piece of machinery will be made up of. This has not been easy, not be any stretch of the imagination. Thanks for being so secretive Apple, pfff.

Right, we will now break down five categories for all you good folk: Name, Hardware, Software, features (we like those) and then price and availability… lets get into that then shall we…

Name – Whats in a name?

So plenty rumours around this are out there, MacBook Touch, iGuide, iSlate and so on and so forth. But check this out, Apple the sneaky devils bought the domain iSlate.com in 2007. Come on now, why the hell would they do that? We will tell you, Apple had to go ahead and make a claim on that combination of the “I” prefix and the word “slate” for the product. Coincidence? We don’t think so!!!

Now for the crappy names that it could be called,  Firstly there is the “iGuide.”  According to MacRumors, iGuide Media, LLC, is a Delaware based company whose sole purpose appears to be to obtain a trademark on behalf of Apple Inc. They have a trademark application pending for the term “iGuide,” now that does seem pretty odd, they have this company, and all they are using it for is to gain a trademark. OK. Then there is the “iPad” which sucks big giant donkey nuts or the “TabletMac” which also seriously lacks…well, anything really. These names could be compared to bland savoury mince or boiled chicken, so dull and tasteless that wouldn’t feed them to your dog.

A name. Whats in a name? Would a rose by any other name smell less sweet? Hahaha, thanks Juliet!!

Special Features

Again, loads of rumours about the Apple tablet and things that could be classified as “special features” because it would seem only the smaller details get leaked through the wire. The WSJ reported that there will be two finishes on the tablet, maybe a flat matt style and a glossy style, very 3GS-esque.

When asked if the tablet had a web cam, Stéphane Richard, an Orange exec replied “Oui,” but then he went on to semi-deny that a little later on. He did say all will be revealed in a press conference on the 27th of this month. The tablet is also supposed to have unlimited Wi-Fi access.

Many industry experts and Apple insiders claim that this tablet will invade, dominate and destroy all other devices and rekon it will be so multifunctional that it will put high-end laptops and eReaders to bed.

So that’s the fiddly bits out the way, now for the serious stuff, Hardware & Software.

Hardware

Huge debate over the size of the display, what is it going to be? 7 inches, or 10.6 inches? Does size matter? Haha. Taking the mind out of the gutter now and according to an article on digital trends, ” The highlight of today was when an anonymous source (of course) told the press that Apple has pre-ordered all 10.1-inch LCD and OLED displays from suppliers all over Asian. And many sources reported last week that 10-inches may be the lucky number. TheFinancial Times, Gizmodo and Reuters all say it’s 10 inches. The WSJ says it will sport a 10 to 11-inch touch screen—but we’re going to count them in the 10-inch group as well.” Hmmm, 10 inches you say?

In true secretive Apple fashion, they told Australian publishers…this is great…the tablet it “small enough to carry in a handbag but too big to fit in a pocket.” So it’s a dildoe? No! Digitimes claim there will be two tablets, a 9.6 inch and a 10.6 inch, which would explain why nearly every 10 inch LCD and OLED screen is now missing from Asia.

All we have to go on is Apple’s little riddle, “small enough to carry in a handbag but too big to fit in a pocket.” So many things come to mind!!!

Software – Hmmm, what’s inside?

Inside the tablet we tried to look, only mystery did we find. What Yoda is trying to say is that there has been very little chatter about the going’s on inside the tablet. Sources point to 3G and 4G versions, so some countries will get 3G and the Yankees (no disrespect, just jealous) who have Verizon LTE 4G wireless will quite obviously be smiling with the 4G version. This is whats refferd to as the “dual-tablet bandwagon”

In terms of a processor, most tech experts and rumor-mill followers are leaning toward the tablet using PA Semi chips, Apple’s in-house chip company that it purchased in 2008, and that are possibly ARM-based.

The inside of the Apple tablet is still like the rest of it, mysterious.

Price and availability

The price of this mythical product (yes, we like the mythical theme) hasn’t fluctuated a hell of a lot. There are a couple price tags attached to it, initial pricing at $1000 (7,400 ZAR), some (Gizmodo) say it could be cheaper, between $700 (5,180 ZAR) and $900 (6,660 ZAR) and Digitimes think its going to cost $1500 (11,100 ZAR) becuase of the OLED upgrade.

We are not going to really speculate about availability, keep an ear to the ground on 27 January, press confernece, San Fransisco, announcements. People say March, half a million shipped by April. Lets wait and see.

The Apple tablet, its kinda like the Continuum Transfunctioner, The continuum transfunctioner is a very mysterious and powerful device and it’s mystery is exceeded only by it’s power… shibby!